Did Do Somethin’

It was a cool night in Southern California, and Nick was manning the counter at his gas station job. He had just put in his two weeks’ notice, and he was looking forward to spending his last days at his shitty job with a nothing to lose attitude. As he was trying to think of what snarky things he would say to rude customers during his shift, a man walked up to the counter and flashed a knife.

“Yo, gimmie all your cash, fool,” ordered the man.

Nick wasn’t in the mood. He had seen Falling Down before, and he was fed up with his life to the point where he didn’t feel like giving in to the man’s demands.

“Go ahead, you fucking nigger. Kill me. You’ll catch a murder charge. Is that what you want?”

“Whatchu say to me, cracker?!” replied the colored person person of color.

“Go ahead. Go ahead, you fucking pussy,” replied Nick.

The man stared at Nick for several seconds, then slowly turned and walked out the door.

Nick immediately took out his phone and dialed 911 to report the incident. The police arrived a few minutes later, and asked Nick for the details.

“Well, he was wearing a hoodie and a mask, and he flashed his knife at me before asking for all of the cash in the register,” Nick told the cops.

Just then, the person of color returned to the gas station store and introduced himself.

“Officer, this man called me the N word. I demand charges be brought against him for this offense.”

As the person of color was making these accusations, Nick’s boss walked in.

“Yiketh! Nick…is this true?!”

“He was trying to rob me at knifepoint,” replied Nick.

“So what? That’s still no excuse for saying such a hurtful word! I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel…errr…terminate your employment. I’m sorry, but we can not allow such toxicity in this work environment. You handled this the wrong way.”

“You is lucky all these cops is around you or I’d fuck you up, white boy,” insisted the person of color.

“Turn around. Put your hands behind your back,” said the cop.

The person of color didn’t budge.

“See, now he’s resisting arrest,” noted Nick, “typical dindu nuffin.”

“Not him. You,” replied the police officer.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion. You have the right to make a public apology. Anything you say can and will be used against you as a CNN headline. If you do not wish to make a public apology, you will be labeled an edgelord. Do you understand these rights as they have been explained to you?”

“Dayum,” said the person of color, “we finally be making progress as a people.”

But then something happened. The person of color watched as Nick was being taken out to the police car in handcuffs…and it just seemed something was off.

“Hold up. Hold up. You just gon’ let them take you like dat, boi? Whachu doin? Fuck da po-lice! Pull out yo gat and take the world wif you, nigga. Don’t let them niggas bring you in all quiet ‘n shit. Whatchu doin’ cooperatin’ ‘n sheeyit? Be a rill nigga ‘n fight for you, cuz.”

But it was no use.

Nick was held responsible for Nick’s actions.