Met Their Match

Cenk Uygur and Cathy Newman matched on Tinder and are on their first date after their divorces from their “narc” exes.

Uygur: So…nice to finally get a chance to sit down with you. What I’m looking for right now is a woman who will be up front about her intentions. I don’t like jumping through hoops for women who make it seem like sex is some kind of reward that they’ll begrudgingly allow me to have on rare occasions. I guess what I’m really trying to say is I’m tired of getting only a drop of pussy, and I want to jump into the whole ocean.

Newman: So what you’re saying is you see me as nothing more than a walking vagina?

Uygur: In other words, what you’re saying is you are going to use me for free meals and never put out.

Newman: So what you’re saying is I don’t have a job?

Uygur: In other words, since you have a job, you’re saying it’s OK for you to lead men on and treat them like they’re beneath you.

Newman: So what you’re saying is men never lead women on or treat them like they’re beneath them.

Uygur: So in other words, since I’m a man, this means I’m going to treat you badly and I think you’re an object.

Newman: So what you’re saying is you think you’re perfect and have never said or done anything you regret in a relationship? It’s always the woman’s fault?

Uygur: In other words, I’m responsible for my divorce, and my wife never put out because I’m a total jerk?

Newman: You’re saying you should be allowed to be a total jerk and your wife should have sex with you no matter what?

Uygur: In other words, you had a hidden camera in my house and observed the relationship between my wife and me, so you know my wife was perfect and I was to blame for all of the conflict.

Newman: So what you’re saying is I need a hidden camera in your house in order to even suggest that you’re not absolutely perfect?

Uygur: So in other words, saying my wife is absolutely perfect and blameless is merely “suggesting that I’m not absolutely perfect.”

Newman: So you’re saying me suggesting you’re not absolutely perfect was really me saying your wife was absolutely perfect and blameless?

Uygur: …Wow. We seem to be stuck here.

Newman: So what you’re saying is we both misrepresented what the other said?

Uygur: So what you’re saying is what you’re saying I’m saying is not what I’m saying?

Newman: In other words, “in other words” is other words for other words.