Judge, Jury and Executioner

A judge sits down to judge a murder case.

Judge: The defendant is on trial for breaking one of The Ten Commandments, “Thou shalt not kill.” But, when you think about it…the legal principle of contextius interpretus says that the true meaning of a law can only be determined by looking at the context in which it was written. The Ten Commandments were written by Jews, and they’re a sarcastic bunch. Members of the jury, I now present to you: Exhibit A.

A video of Mike David analyzing a Bill Burr routine suddenly appears on the projector.

Exhibit A: David being sarcastic.

Mike David: Oh, you’re so cooooool, Bill! So edgy! You really tell it like it is, man!

Judge: See? That’s a Jew being sarcastic. I now present Exhibit B.

A scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm starts playing on the projector.

Exhibit B: David being sarcastic.

Woman: What are you doing? Are you looking at my breasts?

Larry David: I’m not looking at your breasts!

Woman: You’re looking at my breasts!

Larry David: Yeah, yeah, you and your special breasts.

Judge: Yet another Jew being sarcastic. So, the court has established that the Jews are a sarcastic people. And therefore, I submit that the sixth commandment was sarcastic, and that the authors actually intended to say, “Thou shalt kill.” 

The judge pulls out a gun and shoots the jury. 

Judge: I judge myself and the defendant “not guilty.”